Silent heart

The solitude of a silent heart,
Never surfaced, trapped in its own shadow,
Could never tell a sacrifice apart,
Empty, empty hallow.

The tranquility of the silent night,
Has lost its serenity
Magic of the night has lost its sight
Leaving her numb and empty.

The solitude of a silent heart,
Chained to an eternity of pain,
Closing her eyes shut,
Leave her be, Leave her in vain.

Talam Beribu Muka

Lain bukan aku yang dulu dan sekarang?
Raut wajah aku tidak macam dulu...
Nampakkah kamu?
Atau kamu hanya membutakan matamu?

Kamu kata aku ada bakat berlakon,
Aku tersenyum sahaja,
Tidak nampakkah kamu,
Aku sedang berlakon di depan kamu?

Memang aku pelakon yang handal,
Aku memang talam beribu muka,
Hanya kerana hendak menjaga hati kamu,
Aku dah mengabaikan hati aku sendiri.

Jealous now are you?

It is now 4:05 in the morning and Mr. Sandman seems to forget to pay me a visit since I am still wide awake. With all these constant thinking and emotions surrounding me, pressuring this vulnerable mind to work a bit more, how can I sleep like this?

I remembered how a few days ago I was facing the ocean in Pantai Puteri, thinking. Wind blows through my face, burning sand on my feet, and I stand there thinking silently as my friends chirping happily next to me. It was Valentine’s Day, couples everywhere on the beach, getting cozy with each other, showing the whole world how strong their love was. Do I care? I guess I do, been down this road alone for a long time. It’s not the World’s End – I know. Plus, single life is pretty relaxing. But, as what a dear friend of mine would complain “When are you going to be the heroine of the story?” Guess the atmosphere was getting to me. I was jealous. Embarrassing for me to admit, but that was the fact. Do you think I’m actually happy seeing people receiving gifts and such? Hey, don’t get me wrong, I am happy for you guys, I just want some of that sweets as well. However, jealous as I am, I am not desperate. Lurking for desperate love only spells for trouble. Logically, that’s what on my mind; my heart is screaming the other way around.

So here I sit, facing my laptop, listening to some songs, still thinking. Missing and wondering. Unsure and confuse. Praying that this all would come to a sweet end and a permanent one.