Pout-Pout Session.

Fine, this topic is contradicting with my earlier post. To point, I do want to marry someday, but not now. Not even in 5 years time--Heck, I don't even know when I'll be ready but marriage is definitely something I plan on having in the far future.

Anyhow....

Earlier, my father had declared that I shall finance my own wedding if I were to elope one day. Usually, in the Malay community--at least, parents would contribute some--if not all, on their child's wedding reception. Some couples managed to finance their wedding reception on their own so hence--it seems, I'll be joining that group as well. Insyaallah.

I am proud to be independent but somehow I am starting to worry. Will I ever be able to raise money for that when I already have many financial responsibilities?

After finishing my studies, I shall be doing my **prays hard that my batch shall be exempted** Chambering, and if all goes well, I will further my career as a practicing lawyer. Insyaallah.

Lawyers are famous for their deep pockets but I do not count high hopes on that. Whatever it is, I'll be realist throughout this matter. After receiving my first pay check I'm sure I'll be left with hardly nothing to live throughout the month. Why?

1. PTPTN is definitely going to start sucking up their rights. It's fine, but RM400 a month will definitely kill me. Bare in mind, I'm no student from local university, so my debt is waaaaaaay bigger than local uni students (so, hint2. shame on you for not paying.)
   
2. Car - when I got back home, my parents told me that my car will be delayed to God-Knows-When. It was expected and I'm kinda angry with myself for being hopeful. I have troubled my family enough, it's time to stand up on my own. So, I have decided to just buy my own transportation myself. Maybe this shall be my good reason to buy a motorcycle. Weehoo!
3. Housing Loan - Yep, I have a housing debt to pay but I have no home. It's my parents' and the torch must be passed down to their children. Another RM300-400 gone...
4. Parents' Allowance - Obviously I have to give them some pocket money once I have started working. They have given me enough and it's time to give back--for life!
5. Bills, etc - Well, I don't plan on renting a place of my own just yet...Unless I plan on working on some other states that is. (Too many lawyers in KL and Selangor)
   
6. KWSP - Savings for my Golden year. That's a must, and no way- no how I'll give this to my children --unless I'm dead.
   
7. Other Savings - Savings for rainy days. For emergencies such as medical expenses, or sacked from me job *gulp*
8. Another Saving - For my own home, children etc.
9. Skin Specialist - Yeah...it's a must!! Knowing men, I'm not marrying till my matters are solved.
   
10. Misc - Food, gas, shopping expenses.
    

I think that almost covers everything. So, how the heck can I find some loopholes and save money for my wedding? Personal loan is a definite NO-NO for me. I will definitely be having loans for my car, and house. I don't think it's wise to apply for personal loan just cause I wanted to have a Grand Wedding. And My God! Did you see how many Adats for a Malay Wedding Reception?? Merisik (Pre-Engagement), Bertunang(Engagement), Nikah, Malam Berinai, Sanding (The Reception itself) and etc.

I decided to have my engagement (I am not going to say No to another ring) and nikah in one whole blow. If possible, even my wedding reception too. The reason? Well, my food cost can be cut down by half compared to those who have it separately. Genius? I think so too..Har-har. They say the essence of that special moments will be waste, but that's not really my concern as I'm the one who bears the financial cost. The moments on the bed are probably more special--I can soo imagine the awkwardness.

If I were to marry a rich man, I wouldn't have to worry about money that much, but let's be realistic. The possibility of me hitching with a loaded man is like the cloudy haze of KL.

So, it's decided, goodbye Bali trip with friends. I'm afraid that you're just my 'Want' and not my 'Need' ='(

I'm not Marriage Material, I'm sorry.

Marriage, can I say that I wanted to get married just so that I could get laid? If only things were that simple, but unfortunately, marriage is more than just sex and looking fabulous on the wedding aisle.

We all know that.

One of my biggest fear would be none other than getting married. A lifetime of responsibility and commitment. The biggest challenge of all mother load of life. I don't think I can cope up with that. I am hardly able to take care of myself, how am I to take care of my husband like what normal wife would?

I'm useless in the kitchen, and lazy too. Cleaning mode only comes when I feel like cleaning--that only comes once in a blue moon...Hates folding clothes...In short--I should have been born as a man as I'm just as nasty as they are...How am I to be a perfect wife for him?

To teach my children with religious teachings---Oh My God, Fail! Why must I rely on others to teach my children the things that is from the first part IS my responsibility...

I conclude...I'm not ready for marriage.

Jewels in The Dustbin

A good friend of mine once said, "Fiza, what do you expect? Friends do get treated like dustbins. Friends are their dustbins" I somewhat shocked to hear that--and completely against it.

She raised a good reason, but nonetheless, I can't fathom the idea of friends as dustbins. This is why I never believe in Best Friends. I know, friends should always be there for each other, but it takes two to tango, honey. No relationship can last that long when one is selfish and not trustworthy--plus, I don't easily categorized friends up to my good list that easily...Cuz from my experience--Whenever I get too comfortable with people, something bad will happen and the friendship ends.

My friends may be good forsaken angels, probably that's why they can handle being treated that way...but I know I'm no angel. If you're selfish then I add you in my friends-i-can't-count-on list. And if you push my button way too far, obviously you're going to get it from me. That's how my system functions.

My point is, don't treat your friend as your dustbin, as for they are your jewels. Don't under-valued your jewels till its too late. Human have feelings, they care, they love, they get hurt and can turn over you if you don't nourish them. Like any relationships, it takes two to tango.

The Classmates

I'm lifted to Cloud 9

I'm the happiest girl in the whole wide world. I should be pissed on certain things but I don't care anymore, as for that news have lifted me up to the highest peek of Cloud 9. Somebody loved my video and wants me to help him with his v.clip. OMG!!! Thank you for that somebody, I hope I'll do a good job in making the v.clip for you.

Something from the Social Retard

Listening is the most difficult part in socializing, many know how to talk, but little know when to listen - or even give people the chance to talk. Even I am facing the same difficulty--listening.

But admitting that you are wrong, it seems far more harder that listening. When it doesn't concern you, of course we can give our opinion rationally, but when we're in that phase, we're wiping our own rationales to our own butts.

I conclude that there are more social retards apart from me. I am not alone.

Innocent or Wise? The Answer is none.

It's not that I'm nice or innocent. I can be a total hardcore bitch if I wanted to---just like old times, just look at my everyday cussing, can you imagine how bad it would be if I exploded?

Just like every angry person, It'll be BAD! However, I don't have the energy anymore and I don't intend to show it to anyone (the real explosive one that is). First, I may be at fault too. Secondly, I'm usually the elder one, I HAVE to act like a mature adult---although I'm not! Thirdly, that person is probably emotional at that point. Just like how I had been when I was younger.

I've been doing a lot of reflecting, and apparently a lot of the younger generations are very negative these days---just like how I was back then (not as bad as them at least--but bad enough) So, I decided to kick my bad habit bit by bit. If I'm pissed, won't show it that much. If people are influencing me to get angry, ask them to stop or just shut up. Try to stay positive---no matter how negative and hopeless the situation is. At the very least, I would feel good about it one way or another--Insyaallah.

A quick rant

One thing I learned lately is to not give my pity that much to anybody. If you're really that tough, live up to your words, go all out, you know enough the world hates us, prove them wrong by going all out in what you do. Don't just talk. Do it!

I don't care if people call me cold. In due time you'll see what I mean. You'll be thanking me for it later. That's how I roll.

Complaints yang tidak serupa bikin.

Don't bother complaining about stuff to me if you don't intend to follow it. And when I remind you of your own words, don't get pissed. I take every words seriously.